Still here... same day....

So I'm still here... same day... I think - what is it? CD 22 and 4dpo... oy... feeling a little quesasy right now and don't know why. Yesterday I was extremely fatigued and that's not like me at all... but it's too early to be thinking that could be a sign of pregnancy... Now here I am ... 4dpo and I feel queasy... I also noticed some thick, white, lotiony, creamy, tacky, whatever cm when I went to the bathroom earlier today. Could be something... could be nothing... Now I feel queasy and not only that I have some slight cramping in the uterus and some slight lower back pain... what the dealio? This could go either way folks... I know. I know... I am a fool to believe this could go in the right direction for once... time will only tell.. but the last three times all resulted in early pregnancy loss which was most likely due to either a chromosonal problem or to luteal phse defect... so I'm getting a little curious now...

Since last cycle was only 24 days long... good gracious... with spotting too for three days before my period came... I'm thinking... what is this? Is my period again coming on CD 24? That's only two days away... or... is this going to be the one that 'takes'? It's too early to do a pregnancy test... which of course I already did anyway... and another opk for the heck of it.. both negative... of course! My boobs seem a little fuller... some tenderness on the sides if I push but I also have fibrocycstic breasts.. so whatever... they'll be a little painful when you push on them. duh. My nipples are not sore... all pregnancies had sore nipples... but that didnt show until at least a week later than where I am...

Trying to envision a beautiful blastocyst implanting in my lush thick lining... so warm and cozy....
Am I fooling myself? Will luck, chance, fate, or 100 mg of b6 do the trick this time for me? Or will I become another one of the sad statistics who miscarry 4 times in a row with no prior live birth? Only time will tell... only time... in the meantime... I debate using the progesterone suppositories or supplements I have... I feel helpless. Not sure if I should do it or not. The last time I used the suppositories I miscarried anyway.... but I beg the question.. .was I getting enough and was I using it often enough? My RE seems to think so... she said 100mg once a day at bedtime was more than enough... so be it...

Time to trust the abundance of the universe and let go... if this doesnt happen I am supposed to believe its because there is something morebeautiful in store for me... still I ask.. what can be more beauitful than your own child? Only time will tell...