Well I haven't blogged in almost a week. I attribute that to the past few days being fairly uneventful in every sense of the word. Nothing new has been happening with my body. I've had a few mornings of morning sickness that have made me feel like I would vomit at any moment- most especially yesterday. My boobs have been so sore I thought they were going to fall off- but that's nothing new as they have been feeling that way for the past several weeks almost from week 5 onwards. Here I am at 8 weeks 4 days. And I am SCARED.
Last night I realized my boobs were still sore but not as sore as they have been feeling. I didn't dwell too much on this however, not a big deal really. But this morning, as I lay in bed on my side, I noticed that my boobs didn't hurt AT ALL. Not one bit. My nipples are no longer sore and the sides of my breasts are not tender any more. As you can imagine, this is horrifying. I know from experience that the day I had an absence of tender breasts was the day I miscarried. Grant it, I never had a heart beat before or have gotten this far along before. This is so terribly frightening to me. I'm trying to stay calm and not sure if I should tell my husband. We have our 2nd ultrasound on Wednesday. We're so close. It's only days away! I wonder if that doc spaced it that far out to make absolutely sure that our baby was still alive before they sent us for prenatal care. I wonder if she realized that the heartbeat wasn't beating fast enough or if she spotted something else that might be wrong. I wonder because you know when you can just tell when someone is a little bit off? Like when I asked her if she could tell us what the heart beat was and she said her equipment wasn't that good. And when she was like... Ok, it looks wonderful BUT let's have you back in a few weeks for another ultrasound just to make sure everything is ok before we send you for prenatal care. And then when I went out to the receptionist I could tell, there was something dower in the air. Something ever so slightly off in their demeanor. I mentioned that to my husband of course he poo poo'd me saying to just enjoy the good news and we have a heart beat!! And I agreed with him. I tend to be really negative and almost tend to look for problems it seems. But now, I wonder if my intuition wasn't spot on. This is one time I wish with all my heart that it wasn't.
I am terribly terribly frightened. Dear Lord. I am so beside myself right now and there is nothing I can do. Nothing.
The past week was so uneventful! I can't imagine why this is happening. Was it the cold cuts on the sandwich I ate? I heated those in the microwave until they were steaming!! It can't have been caffeine, I havent had any! Sure I had a texas weiner and fries but I was craving those. :( Could that have done it? No fights, no argumnets, nothing strenuous, no sex, no drinking, no smoking, I've been taking the elevator at work on and off instead of climbing the stairs, was it the steamed vanilla milk I got from Starbucks?? The donuts from dunkin donuts I ate? The chicken wings I had last night?
Needless to say I am beyond beside myself right now and there is not a damn thing I can do about it except google the hell out of it and rack my brain trying to figure out what went wrong. I can't stand this. I'm so scared. Please pray for me. Pray for my little baby and pray for my husband. Please have mercy on us Lord.
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