Valentine's Day!

Happy Valentine's Day! Today is the day of love! And after last night's long talk with hubby, boy do I need so loving. Whew. I'm wiped out. We talked a lot about what the deal is, what the plan is, what I want, what he's trying to do, how I feel like he's dragging his feet, how he feels like we're drifting apart and I am a doom-sayer. It was not pleasant to say the least. He did say some really insensitive things that are still stinging me today and making me feel not so great towards him. I'll have to talk to him about that later so we can work through it. But Happy Valentine's Day. We are supposed to celebrate love today. And by celebrating love, we are celebrating the imperfection of being human. How perfectly imperfect we are, but together we are nothing short of a miracle. And speaking of miracles we still have our own little cupid on the way.

Thank God it is getting warmer outside. Our oil is just about dried up and our firewood has one last pile left to burn. I think the high is going to be around 46 today so that is terrific. Hopefully we continue on this trend upwards.

So I am going to call the lady back at the HR department for this job interview today. I'll see what she says and which job the interview is for. I think I need to play this one by ear. I haven't been on an interview in a really long time and at least this way I get to check the place out. Please pray for me. I feel so turbulent inside.

I met with my mom yesterday and while it was good to talk to her and have her validate my fears and that I'm in a tight spot, it probably would have helped a little get some encouragement on the situation too.. you know- the whole 'you'll figure it out, you guys will get your act together, you can do this.' I'm kind of disappoint that there wasn't more of that talk. :( That might have helped my mindset a little better. But I think she knew that misery loves company and I wanted to vent so of course she did what any girlfriend would do- she jumped on the bandwagon and said "heeeeyahhhh" to the horses who ran away with the cart! Jeepers cats. My fault though. I just wanted to stew in misery and I'm glad I did because now that I got it out of my system, I am getting better perspective on things. Like, hey- wtf. My husband and I are smart, industrious, creative people! Of course we are going to figure this out. No, its not going to be easy, yes things are going to be tight, but come heck or highwater, I'm staying at home with my baby for the first few years of its life and my husband and I will find a way to make that work... without giving up our home and without moving back in with one of our families.  We can do this!

Thank God it's a quiet day at work today. Normally I dread the quiet days (I really want to jump off a cliff in the summertime when there's nothing to do and it feels like such a waste to be there) but I'm exhausted today from staying up chatting pretty late, and emotionally- I'm feeling a little blue and still out of sorts from everything. I need to focus and mentally get myself in a good place. Next ultrasound is on Wednesday and I can't wait to go. We took down all of our Christmas decorations finally.... the house looks so stark now. :P A little bare, but we'll get used to it again in a while... we always do! Lord be with me today. Fill me with your love and peace. Use me as your instrument. Shine through me to show love to all.

UPDATE: I wound up taking the day off and staying home with my hubby- it was the best thing we ever could have done for ourselves! I feel my spirit is refreshed and my love and my marriage is stronger than ever. I sorely needed that time off with my husband just to be together and enjoy the day. We went for a lovely walk, a beautiful lunch and a great dinner too! Then we browsed and window shopped at the baby store and started picking out which furniture we like... Wish everything wasn't so darn expensive! Hopefully grandparents will kick in and help us get the nursery put together!!!! :) :) :) because we are broker than jokers!