Happy 15 weeks today!

Today I am officially 15 weeks along and feeling fine! Baby is well. And we are too. I am however, still quite exhausted. Funny as my dh just stated 'isn't the second trimester supposed to be a lot better?' maybe! But so far... I'm as freaking pooped as ever!!! I'm so dang tired all the time. I feel like I could collapse. Maybe for hubby who has been out of work for the past year and gets to stay home all day living the life of Reilly- maybe he feels great.. but not me! I have an easy job for sure but still work 40 hours a week nonetheless where I have to be mentally alert and then on top of it I've added another teaching gig on from 6-10pm on some weeknights... plus there is a 2 hour commute added to that.. (1 hour going and 1 hour coming home)... So I'm working 8-430 every day and then adding a 6-10 once a week night class. I'm freaking TIRED. I feel exhausted and worn down. :( I wish I felt better. I'm also a little aggitated with the current state of things and extreme uncertainty about the future. I have a lot of stress because my husband is unemployed and I have big student loan payments kicking back in come June and there's all this fantasy talk of me staying home with the baby. Yeah right! While we live on my husband's nonexistent or barely existent job if he gets one? Max he can make is around 24K if we are LUCKY. Right now I am pulling in 35K and he is still getting about 1,000 a month on unemployment which barely covers our 1200/month mortgage. I'm scared. Im aggitated. It feels hopeless. Add to the mix that my crazy father in law is driving me up a g-damn wall I want to scream. We need financial help BIG TIME - we are drowning in debt and now will have another mouth to feed and unfortunately we are in a position where my husband can't provide the necessary $$$ we need to live even a modest life. Barring a miracle where he gets some kind of miraculous deal with selling his art... we are screwed before we even start the game. This sucks. Shit.

14 weeks 2 days and doing great!

Here I am at 14w2d and feeling fabulous! I'm still a little fatigued. It's unusal for me to feel so wiped out. I have to remind myself that hellooo I am making a person over here! lol. But it's hard to comprehend that even now after seeing 3 ultrasounds. I have only gained 3lbs so far so that's good. I feel like I should probably watch what I eat. I don't think I should be gaining much more than 15lbs total or 20lbs if I can help it. I'm a little heavy to begin with. I was at my heaviest ever (dang it) when I got pregnant. 148lbs and 5'3 - I looked great but I could definately stand to slim down by about 10-12lbs. So here I am at 14 weeks my tummy is sticking WAYYY out! But I've only gained 3lbs? Isn't that odd! I am totally showing and its getting harder and harder to hide it at work. It's so funny this time around. Every other time I was pregnant (and subsequently m/c) I was shouting from the rooftops and telling everyone and anyone! Now I am so hestitant and protective of my little secret. It's almost like I don't want people to know because I wouldn't go parading my kid around online or around our neighborhood for all the strangers in the world to see! So why would I do that now?

I certainly don't like to get any lip from anyone and I'm not one for unsolicited advice that's for sure. I will enjoy these last few weeks of quiet time as much as possible. I figure around week 20 or so I should let people know at work. I'll know the sex of the baby by then too. My next prenatal is April 11 then next u/s is April 30 ... that's when we should know if we are having a boy or a girl. I will be very surprised if it is not a boy. I am totally convinced that it is! Both my husband and I had dreams that we had a girl.. so its definitely going to be a boy! lol. Also, based on my age and the month I conceived according to Chinese calendar its a boy and based on when we bd and when I ovulated - it's a boy. So if it's a girl- that will be a big shocker!


No aches or pains lately. Just a little pulling and tugging behind belly button here and there. Some shooting pains in the vagina once in a while but hardly ever. No pains otherwise! I really need to do some butt and thigh toning NOW to help make sure I don't get a rear end the size of the Chrysler building after birth. We were doing good with going on daily walks but its just so cold and snowy out still I dont want to go out there and I feel very lazy lately too.

I wolfed down about 8 pickles this morning and washed them down with pickle juice. Ew. So gross I know but I am CRAVING the salt. I usually go nutty with the olives and chips... but we are out of everything so the pickles had to do! Of course my body is craving junk junk junk. I ate two bean burritos yesterday and I love cheeseburgers and hashbrowns and all that other garbage. 80% of the time I am eating all organic foods. Dairy, meat, eggs, veggies, fruits are all organic. But I still eat ice cream and potato bread and pasta and hit the fast food joints a couple times a week. Isn't that terrible. :( I need to get a handle on that. It's like I don't want the healthy food all the time. I want soft, sugary, salty comfort food. Ugh. :P

Just ate a delicious peanut butter and jelly sandwich. OMG it was so good. And time for a little taste of ice cream before I take a nap. What a little piggie. Today this ends. Promise. For real. I mean it this time!

Lots of rest today!

We had a big day yesterday out and about and walking a lot... so today we stayed in and sat around like big veggies! lol... a good day full of rest and relaxation and chinese food. Yum!

In other news, I am trying to set up my next ob appointment with someone OTHER than the rude, and dismissive PA that I had last time... at my first visit. What a goon. She was abrupt and demanding and cut me off when I was answering her questions and just a total jerkoff. I don't want to see her again. She was pushy and stupid. I don't care if she has over 20 years experience. I have over 22 years of experience in my field but I would never talk to a client, customer, or parent the way that jackarse talked to me. What a condesending jackass. Ugh. I want to fill out a survey that I got in the mail to let them know she was a jerky jackass but I don't want it to get traced back to me and don't want to make an enemy at the new health clinic. Grrrrrr.....

In other news I just ordered three books off amazon - Ina Gartner's guide to Birth, layboyer's Non Violent Birth, and the Doula's guide to childbirth, secrets every pregnant woman should know. Can't wait to start reading!

Meanwhile back at the ranch, I feel great! Nothing too much to report healthwise I feel great and only gained about 2 or 3 pounds so far. I'm really showing A LOT! lol.. so I'm wondering how much longer I can hide this from the people at work. Not looking forward to telling them... Hope hubby gets a job offer soon... but I'm not too worried. We still have plenty of time before we need to worry about that.

Did I report on my 13 week 2 day ultrasound yet? I just wanted to say again that our babie is BEAUTIFUL and SO PERFECT!!! He is active and wonderful and so animated!! OMG!! That little face!!! I can see his little face already!! He looks just like daddy!!!!!!! or she! lol! we'll find out the sex in about 6 weeks. I can't wait!!! OMG!!

I'm further along than I thought!

WOWWWW!! OMG!!!! So we went for our genetic counseling today (because I am over 35 and had three miscarriages to boot) and we had the nucal scan to check for downs and a blood test. EVERYTHING LOOKED PERFECT!!! OMG!!! Our perfect little baby!!!! OMG!!! So beautiful! We saw our little baby kicking and waving and floating around!!! So beautiful! We saw his little nasal bones and his head and neck look gorgeous! His long skinny legs!! Big hands!! Beautiful profile!! OMG! Oh dear! He's just so beautiful!! So that was a very good visit. He's also measuring in at 13 weeks 2 days!! So he's right on target with a due date of Sept. 19!! Wow! OH BABY I LOVE YOU SO MUCH!!!!!

Happy 13 weeks today Babie!!!

Today I am 13 weeks pregnant! Yeay!! We are going to go for an ultrasound today and genetic counseling (because of my recurrent pregnancy losses and my advanced maternal age) we are having a blood test done to check for downs... No big deal. Non-invasive.. and either way- that's the way it goes! So looking forward to our appointment today and hope everything is going well and smoothly and nicely. Keep your fingers crossed! Nervous but hopeful!

Wow! Almost 13 weeks already!!

Wowee! I can't believe I'm almost 13 weeks! Tomorrow I will be 13 weeks along and I feel pretty good! I am filling out! OMG. I am definitely showing now but still hiding my belly at work until we get out of the 1st trimester and even then I hesitate to tell anyone because then I'll be getting looks every time I disappear for an appointment. WOW! So we had our first prenatal appointment last Friday. It was kind of lame. We didn't meet with a doctor just with some pushy loud mouth PA. Yuck. I wasn't thrilled with her brusk-ness. And also found out that we won't be meeting with a doc ANYWAY throughout most of the pregnancy just with the PA. Grand.

The appointment was long and it was mostly just the nurses and PA asking us tons of questions about family health history. I also had a pap smear and breast exam. Fun. :P My mother in law is a little bit overly excited about the baby news and really got all worked up to hear about the appointment and wanted to know everything that the 'doctor said.' Well- I didn't have much to report! lol. Sorry but there was no doctor and secondly it wasn't really a baby visit but a mommy and daddy visit. She kept pressing me though for information and I firmly told her the same thing I orginally told her. It was a mommy and daddy visit they just mainly asked a lot of questions about family health history and basically treat you like a number. I don't know what kind of information she was looking for exactly. Plus, it's really not any of her business what happens at the appointment and is not up for discussion. Hello. Anyway- I've come to the conclusion its just better to not mention future appointments to her because then I'll just get hounded to spill the details on everything when it really isn't anyone's business but mine and my husbands. I know everyone means well but I sometimes think they get too wrapped up in themselves and their own excitement and what they want rather than being respectful of me and hubby- we are people too! Not just babie incubators here to entertain and delight with our baby reports. 

In other news we go for a genetic counseling session tomorrow and another ultrasound! Yeay!! Can't wait to see our little beannie Marie! I've told my mommah about the appointment and will give her the scoop when its over but that's it. Nobody else needs to know every single detail of my uterus and its inhabitant.

In the meantime, I am rather disappointed with the info out there in interwebs land regarding in-laws and newborns. Everything is sooo damn negative! OMG. I can't even read or look at this stuff any more! It's just the land of negativity!! For instance I googled "How to be kind, loving, and undertsanding to your in laws when you are pregannt or have a newborn." I am hoping to grow personally and to become a better person. A kinder and more gentle person. Someone who does not lose their temper or feel threatened or defensive every time an inlaw says an idiot thing or expresses their opinion. I am very sensitive and want to respond with love and kindness not to get defensive and lose my temper so I google to see what's out there and there is NOTHIHNG. NOTHING but in law bashing and scary stories that do nothing but work you up and get your feathers all ruffled!

UGH!!! That doesnt help me. All that does is get me more worked up and puts me in the mind set to pit myself against them. I dont want to do that! I want to look at my MIL and FIL like they are two out of control children who need to be loved and paid attention to but who ultimately do not control me or my emotions. Aren't there any books out there about disciplining and loving your inlaws and teaching them boundaries in a loving and non-threatening way? lol. Help.

Body update: My breasts are no longer sore! Yeay!!! I do get pulling pains in the right side of my uterus when I walk occassionally but other than that - no pains really. Once in a while I wil have a pulling sensation in my vagina. We heard the baby's heartbeat with the fetal doppler at the prenatal appointment! Yeay! 160 beats per minute! Is it a boy or a girl??? So exciting!

I'm sleeping ok with the humidifier and breathe right strips. I have pregnancy rhinitis so my nasal passages are always swollen and it is difficult to breathe most of the day. :\ 

Other thoughts are on breast feeding and the fact that my MIL never breastfed and only did formula with my DH. That should be interesting when she realizes I am going to breast feed exclusively for the first 1yr. I can't wait!! (To bf not to see her reaction).  Also- she was going on about how easy her birth was and how she didnt gain any weight and how skinny my dh was when he was born. That's because she probably didnt eat enough. She said he was born with no fat on his body! Oy.

Anway- so what. Who cares. Im seriously thinking about taking that breast pump off the baby registry now and just buying it myself if I need it in the future.

11 weeks 2 days and belly button pain...ow!

Ouchie. I feel good except for this pulling pain to the left of my belly button :( I hope its just the stretching uterus and stuff. My next prenatal appt or I should say my offical FIRST appointment is a week today so looking forward to that.

Insomnia.... and 11 weeks....

Hi! I am 11 weeks today! Yeay!! Feeling pretty good... getting tired very early and falling asleep alot around 630pm! or 7pm... and I usually sleep thru the night until 6am ... but tonight I got up around 11pm and havent been able to fall back asleep. I attribute some of this to my husband being up playing Sid Meyer's Civilization still! lol... Time for bed honey! So I got up and had a snack (a piece of cheese melted on potato bread in microwave) and decided to blog a bit. I had some slight cramping in my right side when we went for a walk earlier today... maybe from dehydration... and then again when I was cooking dinner by my left side of bellybutton I felt some pulling so hubby made me sit down for the rest of the night with my feet up. Now my nose is all stuffed up. My bbs are still very sore and that's pretty much it for now! I have been wearing some maternity clothes comfortably becuase I am definately showing! I'm trying to hide my pregnancy at work for another few weeks at least until we get out of the 1st trimester which will be after spring break.. or around St. Patrick's Day. It's getting kind of hard to hide it because I really have a noticeable belly already! This stuffy nose is so annoying. Hope baby is doing well and sleeping because I am not! Mwah!