Omg. What has become of me?! What is wrong with Laney Marie? :( I am 36 weeks and my tummy is enormous. I can't breathe, it's hard to walk, sleeping??? WHATS THAT?!!! Bowel movements?!! NEVER HEARD OF THEM. What's that? My face looks like a watermelon? I'm almost 200lbs and never weighed more than 140 in my life?? NOTHING FITS??? My poor feet. I'm a heifer. and Yes I am overjoyed to be pregnant, it's beautiful and wonderful. We are very blessed. We've waited through 3 miscarriages in a row to finally conceive our little miracle. I have loving friends and family. A good support system at work... so tell me this... why on God's green earth do I just feel like I want to beat everybody up!? Oh dear Lord! Is it horomones or what? I feel like I'm out of control.
Everybody either says or does something to drive me up a wall. I am constantly irritated. I'm even and especially irritated by OTHER MOMS!!! Really?? What the heck is THAT all about? I read posts about newly pregnant women who are 9 weeks along... NINE WEEKS!!! and they are complaining about this or that... or ouch this or ouch that and I'm like... ARE.... YOU...... KIDDING..... ME????!!!!!!
You are nine WEEKS pregnant- not nine MONTHS pregnant! OMG. It blows my mind. And who the heck am I to feel that way?? I was there once. To be fair- I've gone this entire pregnancy without much complaint and no reason to really complain. I still have no reason to REALLY complain... but now I just can't stand myself or more specifically - OTHER PEOPLE.
I'll see other pregnant women out and about and other women with kids and babies and it's so awkward. I mean, I'm not one to go out of my way to chit chat or say hello to complete strangers, in fact, I prefer to leave others alone and to be left alone myself because you know what- people can be weird and usually I'm the girl at the grocery store that the weirdo comes up to and engages in conversation... why? I don't know. Maybe I look friendly or I look like a sucker. I always think I look kind of bitchy! But I guess I look like a friendly B because it doesn't stop people from coming over and pushing my buttons. or pretending they don't see the big pregnant lady. Maybe it's because I have flaming red hair.... it's like a beacon. I must send off a signal or something that says... Hey you! Come on over here and push past me so that I almost topple over- or hey old lady- come on over here and cut in front of me in line and pretend you don't see my pregnant belly that's as BIG AS MOUNT EVEREST!
Can you imagine?! Old ladies are the WORST. THE WORST!!!! Hilarious- I used to be such an advocate for the elderly. Just love them to pieces. Loved them over children. Value them highly. Now it feels like every old person on the planet is on a mission to let me know that THEY are more important than me, they need to get in line first, they could care less that I am great with child, they are in more pain or suffering more than I am... and I find myself holding the door for EVERYBODY ELSE at the grocery store or being expected to let some old fart plow past me to get holy communion at church?! REALLY??? Thanks for almost knocking me over asshole.
Oh don't mind me. I'm just fed up. I was also very very calm about this whole labour and delivery thing and now I am just getting myself so worked up over it. Really. I was planning a drug free, natural vaginal birth... and now I'm thinking... what was I thinking?! I'll probably need something anyway because I might have an anxiety attack. Oh dear god. I'm scared. :( Really, really scared that the big day is almost here and I dind't think I would be afraid at all...I guess I'm kind of freaking out a bit about it over and I'm afriad I won't be able to calm myself down or stay centered when everything turns to chaos. I just don't know if I will be able to handle the pain and gruesomeness of what is around the corner. Plus it doesn't help that my husband is out of work STILL. and can NOT find a job for the life of us. AND there's no way in high heaven we'd be able to live on my salary alone. We can't do it. I guess you could say, I am terrified of what the future holds on many levels and I'm probably getting tired of playing the whole 'happy go lucky and everything will work out' charade.
I'm terribly worried about being at risk for post-partum depression because one of the cuases of it is finanical strain. So yeah- I guess being 9 months pregnant is going to really test my mettle. And labor and delivery?? Well - no pressure here but that's when I feel I'll really see what I'm made of. I've made it this far.... what's to stop me from going all the way.... I AM TITANIUM.
People are so rude.
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